Today started as a trying day for me. There are days when you’re putting on a new groove on life, but somehow there are times when certain things just hit you back despite your resolve.
Inside my head, i try to be the calm optimist. That things will always be better. Maybe tomorrow, i say. The thing about Life – you know, the one that you spell with a capital letter – is that it is so big and beyond you that it makes you feel small sometimes. Or humbled. At this hour, i am humbled. And i also feel small. Not that it’s Life’s fault. It’s too big to even care about a speck of dust like me. It’s just the way things are, i guess. One simply needs to make the best out of situations.
It’s like when you suddenly realize that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Wait….There can’t be light at the end of a tunnel! Because if it were true, you’d be blinded by your approach towards it. So, to find your way through the dark, you have to carry the light in you. Yup, the one that’s with you. Sometimes, you may feel that your light has faded. It’s as if you’re a flashlight running out of batteries. It’s just hard to feel through the dark. You tend to be slow when that happens. But you walk along, trying…even if the darkness is a bit too much. Wiser people won’t really mind, i suppose. Because they’ve been there before and have learned to know the way through.
I once read a James Kirkwood novel about a guy who died with a bullet to his head. They all thought that he was murdered because there was no suicide note. After all the frantic speculation, the suicide note was found in a place where most did not bother to look and it contained an anecdote. It, sort of, went like this:
There was a barnyard full of horse manure. Two men were told to clean it up. The pessimist lamented on life being shitty. The eternal optimist kept on digging and cleaning. The pessimist asked him why he was so excited. The optimist said: “Well, with all this manure, there has to be a pony somewhere.”
Maybe i just need to trudge ahead. Maybe there is a pony somewhere. Or a horse!
Feeling The Wind
Marg, a friend from the Shoe Club, and i were chatting the other day. She asked if A and i are still friends. It’s going to be a year now since we broke up and although we’ve not descended into regretting the relationship, we still manage to get in touch once in a while, although not as often as before. Marg asked how i get to be so cool with being friends with my ex. I don’t really know the definite answer to this. Maybe because we are not the kind of people who chucks the good times for a few bad ones. Then again, she said that perhaps i am still pining. Truthfully, i’ve realized that there are people who we can love all our lives, but it doesn’t have to mean that you’d have to end up being together. Having that one great love is about quality. Most of us confuse quality for longevity. There are people who are lucky to have both.
And now i believe my time has passed. One great love that comes once in a lifetime. And i don’t say this with sadness. More so, i say this with a kind of peace. And isn’t that more romantic? That you can hold on to good memories of people, feel free of past hurts and enjoy the wind on your face.
Now, that is Life. You have to learn to take the good and the bad with it. Have a nice day!