On this rainy Sunday afternoon, while Marge is taking her afternoon map, i play James Taylor’s song to Carly Simon.  It’s one of those songs that capture moments in a life, especially in a relationship that lives through it’s share of ups and downs.  This is my song for Marge, in a way.

In explaining B.S.U.R. (short for Be As You Are), James Taylor said this of the song:

The lyric didn’t seem to be about me and Carly at all, but she finds some correlations. I suppose it may be – I mean,after all, l wrote it.

I think that sometimes my behavior threatens her, ’cause she feels I might really harm myself. And it’s hard to commit yourself, emotionally to someone who could do damage to you through your commitment to them. It’s this business of whether or not you can afford to really put your life in the hands of someone who may not be in enough control of themselves to keep themselves alive. And I think there have been times when Carly worried about that with me. It’s not that she was trying to control me; she was just trying to decide whether or not she was gonna be able to stand to love me if she might have to lose me. And there were years and there have been instances when that was possible.

It parallels how Marge feels about me, at times.  That i may be prone to near gaslight moments.  And my fear of losing my individual freedom.  But my promise to her has always been as steadfast as the day i looked into her eyes and said to myself:  She’s for keeps.  The journey along the way might be hard sometimes, but i want to improve, and in the end, it is all worthwhile.  

Listen to B.S.U.R by James Taylor

She's been holdin' on too long
Hopin' I'm going to change
Givin' it up just a little bit more
Each time I come home lookin' and actin' strange
Putting her down for putting up with me

Be as you are
As you see
As I am, I am

Do you think you might improve me?
Tryin' to take control
Watchin' every little thing I do
Just like a bleeding movie, just like a leading role?
Mama, this ain't me and I don't believe that's you

Be as you are
As you see
As I am, I am

First you make believe I believe the things that you make believe
And I'm bound to let you down
Then it's I who have been deceivin'
Purposely misleadin'
And all along you believed in me

So we circle around one another
Playin' a guessing game
Strangers at this masquerade
Pretendin' to know each other
We strain to catch a name
And never see the mistakes we must have made

Be as you are
As you see
As I am, I am

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